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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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The locals? Insane in the best way. They’re rough n tumble, like they’ve had enough of cronies and pretenders. I sometimes get mad 'cause they treat tourists like boardroom stocks—too uptight! But ya know what they say, “Act as if you had already achieved what you want!” Yeah, I got some of that mystical, scorsese wisdom, right there.

St. Norbert names Leonhard-Perry as women's basketball coach